This ain't sausage roll, this is genocide

Happy New Year one and all. Let's take 2013 by the scruff of the neck and give it a bloody good shake. Show it who's boss.

Inevitably, I will be a year older in 2013. Ah, the march of time! Many things make me feel old. Technology for one. Jon, giver of fine spatulas, allowed me to view his new mini iPad only through my fingers and whilst it was still in its box and a good four feet away. Apparently, I have leylines in my head which break technology and so I have been allowed little exposure to this new fangled witchcraft. To be fair, I have broken his stuff before, just by being in the same room as it. Anyway, last night, I found an iPhone on my way home. I pressed the big button at the bottom and it came up with a password request. I decided to put it in my pocket and wait for the owner to call. And they did. Nine times. I couldn't figure out how to answer the call. I prodded the screen, pressed the big button again, tried to find buttons round the side and on the top. As Jon has told me wondrous tales of things iStuff can do, I even said "Answer" to it. Now in my defence, I didn't have my readers on, but luckily the tenth call arrived as I was under a lamp-post. It was then I saw the slidey thing. Slid it and hey presto, contact was made and the phone returned to its happy owner. So, good turn done and, knowing it would amuse Jon, I texted him describing my difficulties. I expected some remorse that he hadn't equipped me better, but no. Here's his reply: "Oh for god's sake. Mind you, I'm getting used to you people nowadays.". The italics are all mine.


Not for the first time, I am scoffing in the face of cake blogging convention today with a cake-free zone. The main reason for putting fingers to keyboard is that David Bowie is 66 today. Yeah, I know he's released a new single and I'm well giddy about that but how dare he be 66?  That makes me feel old too. In an ironic quirk of fate, I was too young to appreciate Bowie in his bibbity bobbity prime but I discovered him in my early teens and my devotion has never ceased. Well, it has wobbled a bit - he looked a bit goaty in his Lets Dance phase and as for Tin Machine... But say what you like about him, he's always had really good hair. And his albums from 1971-1980 are all classics for me and still sound as good today. I was going to try and shoe horn Bowie song titles into this post but it turns out I'm not clever enough, but I'm clever enough to have loved him all these years. And without realising, our Jon has made my day. It dawned on me that "you people" can apply to me AND David, and at last, our twenty-odd year age gap doesn't matter any more. And when he finally decides to ditch Iman (what does he see in her??), I'll be here and will spend the rest of my days putting make up on him (with my readers on) and making him say "only" like he does in Sorrow and he can teach me how to use an iPhone and I'll sigh like Twig the wonderkid.

Normal cake-based service will resume on Thursday